i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
