I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
