i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
My breasts were aching with rage.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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