Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
