I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
