At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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