i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
