ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
