So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
