I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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