i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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