Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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