I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
