the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
