Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize