I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
