party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
