I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
