why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
