i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
