When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Randomize
