I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
