Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
