Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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