You're a womanizer and a bitch.
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Watching her eat just hurts me
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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