And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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