I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
