i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
