I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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