My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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