you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
