3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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