I love how my cats smell like pot.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Randomize
