I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
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