The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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