I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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