Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
