R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
