first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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