Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
