a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
