as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
