I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
