I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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