I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
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