New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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