I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
