Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
i black out too much to be "responsible"
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
