they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize