You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
