I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
