She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
