Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
