I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Randomize