Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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