I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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