her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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