you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Randomize
