my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
vagina is talking i cant
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
