I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
