Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Randomize
