Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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